Cycle 1: Episode 2 Gay Pimpin' with Jonny McGovern

Episode 2
The second episode of Gay pimpin' with Jonny McGovern aired January 23, 2006

Show Description
Jonny McGovern serves up another sassy show! It’s a mega-gay episode with over an hour of gossip, guests, glamour and crazy retarded fun! We’ve got Perez Hilton with celebrity gossip exclusives and “What Sophia Lamar Hates” coming to you from painfully hip Williamsburg, Brooklyn

intro
Talks about how after first podcast there the #42 audio podcast on iTunes

Can’t wait to reach number one so they can make MPR angry

Nightlife Report
Opening night of Jonny’s new performance series called “Jonny McGovern Presents” began at Spirit nightclub.

Jonny tells story about how Spirit used to be Twilo. JR Vasquez used to spin there. Jonny took Martin there and Martin tried Ecstasy and Special K for the first and LAST time. Martin wore the raver boy outfit he used to wear to Jonny's old show, where he performed. Martin raver outfit was a visor, baby tee, raver pants and skater shows. Asian trannies loved how Martin was dressed and gave him allot of attention. He made Jonny laugh by dancing raver style and at one point talking to a pole at the club.

Jonny went to Spirit the first time and knew it was right for him when someone spilled his drink cause they were vouging. Jonny could forgive that because when your vouging everyone should get out of YOUR way.

Every week at Spirit Jonny will perform original tracks. For his premier, the tranny rap super group LaMady sang there hit “This is New Your City Bitch”

Jonny explains that a LaMady is a ladyfish man while a MaLady is an Ugly lady man. He imagines in an alternate universe Fay Gimp, his identical twin evil cousin has his own tranny group called MaLady but there just busted fucked up old fat trannies who sing “This is Peoria honey”

He later apologies to anyone from Peoria but advises them to move to NYC.

LaMady consists of Lind James, Koko Aviance, Erickatoure Aviance and Dj Nita with Kevin Aviance as the special guest in the group. Before the performance the girls were decked in Davey Makeout couture which was techno colored gorgeous. Koko had a huge Mohawk while stylist spent an hour on Linda’s Hair.

On stage, People screamed for them and tried to grab at their legs making them feel like real rock stars. In the rear of the stage was a piece of fabric that at the right time in the song drops revealing Kevin Aviance in nothing but a Bikini bottom spray painted great to like the Statue of Liberty. Jonny wants every performance to have an “I peed” moment and when the sheet drops and the crown sees Kevin they go insane.

“she pees” shout out to Shirley q licker

Music Debut
Internet debut of LaMady song “This is New York City Bitch”

Martin sings song and asks to be in LaMady but Linda calls Martin a MaLady.

“Your no LaMady Beauchamp” says Jonny

Linda got an email from Australia from a guy who heard the track while in New York and has combed Australia looking for it and wants Linda to send it to him.

Linda asks in Martin ever wanted mussy by Louis Vitton. Martin says nothing.

Lets talk about reading....Tabloids
Linda said she creamed her pants when she read the story; Kevin Cheats on Britney.

It is revealed in the January 23, 2006 issue of Star that Kevin Federline cheated on Britney Spears with Kendra Jades, a stripper whose claim to fame was sleeping with Jerry Springer. Star page 26, They hit it off and were making out in the casino at the tables. Around 10pm they split and Kevin says “sorry guys, gotta go home and make good with Britney so I can get my Ferrari back.”

Britney has gained 20 lbs in a week because of Kevin and source says Kevin thinks it’s funny. He makes oink noises at her. Also makes faces and tells family to ask her what’s wrong “if they can manage to get a word in between bites.”

Jonny says photo in The Star makes Britney Spears look like Jaba the Hut.

“Oh baby baby *makes pig noises* get me some more mayonnaise” Jonny sings to the melody of Hit me baby one more Time.

Britney took baby Preston to get a Hindu blessing.

“Yo ma.. yo ma... yo ma. why we at the funny place” Jonny says in a jersey accent impersonating the baby.

Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie are having a baby. Linda wants them to name it Brangelina. Jenifer Aniston is super angry and wants Vince von to give her a baby.

Jonny wishes he was Madex.

Imagionations by Jonny and Linda Brangelina(Brad and Angelina) and Jince(Jenifer and Vince) when they grown up will start a family feud. ''Jince going to Hollywood high and Jenifer is bitter fat alcoholic mom sitting next to fat old Vince on the couch guzzling scotch and beer. Jenifer wants Jince to beat up Brangelina but Jince just wants to be friends cause he has his father’s genes and is kinda fat. Sexy Brangelina is waking the halls of the school, the most popular kid in school.'' ''Jonny calls himself a butch faggot but he loves lady fashion mags. As example he shares his 2 new favorite ad campaigns:'' The first is the Nicole Richi Jimmy Chu ads (Linda is furious) ''One she’s being photographed by paparazzi, another she resembles Michelle Pfeiffer in Scar Face wearing the sparkly disco ball dress while a man throws champagne in her face. And the last Nicole is sitting by the pool in a red gown with an expensive bag.  Linda comments that Nicole looks like she’s near death looking at how skinny she is and make the comparison that when Nicole was fat she was the spoke model for Bongy Jeans but now that she’s near death she gets Jimmy Chu.  The second ad campaign is for Tom Ford new Eyewear. Tom Ford is the sexy homosexual former head of Gucci. Known for the ads with women’s privates having Gucci logo shaved into them. His Boyfriend is the Editor of Vogue Home.''

''Tom Ford left Gucci and is with Este Lauder coming out with his own Makeup, Fragrance and Eyewear line. The ad is a mad hanging upside down wearing the sunglasses and right by his mouth is a woman’s ass. The ad looks like the man is eating out the woman’s ass.  The Gay Gang talk about this form of advertising comparing it to Abercrombie and Fitch. The company used to sells hiking wear until someone (Homosexuals Jonny guesses) began making the catalog featuring hot half naked men. The type of men that gay guys want to fuck and straight guys want to look like. Thus transforming the brand.  Jonny tells everyone he was approached to be in the catalog. After the photo shoot and the highly sexual article the catalog never published it cause at that time they were being picketed by right wing Christian protesters. Jonny likes to think it was because of his gayness they protested.''

Jay Star Movie Reviews
''Linda is setting up video camera before Jay star comes in. Jonny wants Jay to masturbate''

''Jay and Bradshaw enter and begin to undress. Jay pulls down Bradshaw’s pants reveling a huge cock which gives Jonny s boner headache. Jonny recommends they do couple sex videos.''

This week they review Hostile''

''While describing the movie Jay says they sent the boys to Slovakia to get “good pussy” which leads Jonny to comment that Slovakia is where all the Bel Ami boys are from. Jay describes all the gory details of the movie.''

''Moral of Hostel, if you just fucked your hot guy friends you wouldn’t get killed in Slovakia. ''

''Jonny describes his version of Hostel where hot guys go to Europe and get forced into gay prostitution ring and forced to have sex with other hot men. Jonny bets it would go straight to porno. ''

''Jonny just wants to see a classy wiener filled horror film. ''

''Jay said he wouldn’t show his hard wiener in a film but would show it flaccid only if it’s really necessary for the film. ''

''Jay has 8 inch dick (bearcan dick) Jonny compares it to jumbo Redbull car. Jay thinks its smaller than everyone thinks it is. Jonny reveals he also has a large penis.''

Jay gives Hostel 3 and a half wieners

Jonny McGovern's Life Tip of the Week
Linda sinks the themesong ''Kids and those in 20s your probably hotter than you think you are....enjoy it. Jonny thought he was fat when he was 19 but now he says he was hot enough to fuck the football team.''

''If you wanna get laid “Fake it till you make it”'Jonny started dressing like the guys he wants to fuck. So he dressed like a frat boy but kept himself gay.''

Jonny sees photo of Linda at 17 and said she was super sexy.'

''“Keep your head up your hotter than you think. But remember Keep it Faggoty.”''

Do I Look Like a Slut featuring Perez Hilton
Golden globes

''Perez shocks at how hot Teri Hatcher looks in person. In pictures she looks like sexy skeleton.  Bob Mackie designed Eva Longorias red dress for the golden globes.  Perez was disappointed the Brandon Routh wasn’t as buff as he wanted. Perez said he would still do him. ''

Sundance film festival ''While there celebrities try to get as much free shit as possible. Perez had only been to the Levi gift house and got a whole outfit and a pre-released pair of Reebok shoes.'' Jennifer was super drunk sources say. ''Perez calls himself Paris Hiltons cousin.  Perez ran into john Waters. Here network is doing a John Water film festival of his favorite films. They filmed him while he was at his house. Jonny says Hairspray is one of his favorite movies.  Closing film of the festival is Alpha Dogs.'' Rumors are that Justin Timberlake and Cameron Diaz are engaged and pregnant. ''Jonny is going to adopt an African daughter and name her Africa. Perez is gunna be her godfather.''

Inaugural Voice messages from the Talk Line 1866- YOU GO GAY
Krunk- 

Call 1. Sings “your gut is large

your face is mangled

you steal all my jokes

and claim there all your own

my name is WHO CARES.”

Call 2 spooky voice- Jonny can you check on the children. The children are talking and they hate you. You’re a hack. Have you checked the children yet.

Call 3 kids voice- hello Jonny, this the children. Were calling because we hate you. We like Krunk better. He’s the funny one, the nice one and the cute one and you’re the mean one and the fat one. You steal all your material from him. And you haven’t checked on us.

16 year old lesbian from the golf coast calls to tell them how they “rock her socks”

Linda thinks she was high as a kite

What Sophia Lamar Hates
Hates faggots with Mohawks. Linda agrees

“Faggot your no American Indian. Just a little faggot trying to look edgy. But you look pathetic. Especially the fohawk. “

Gucci had ads with Mohawks in 2000 and every faggot thought they’d look like that model. says inbred gays from West Virginia have that Mohawk and an Abercrombie t-shirt and jeans “faggot what are you thinking?” and when they want to look more edgy they wear that outfit with a tie.

Martin says next week he’s getting a Mohawk.

“You don’t look edgy, you don’t look punk rock, you don’t look tough. it’s not working give it up. “

“I’m peaking at you bitches”


 * once again these views are those of Sophia only. Ill take my dick with a mohawk fohawk or afro. im not picky.

Martin, when he speaks to Sophia he talks slowly like she’s a tourist. Jonny mocks him. Jonny wants to be #39 by next episode